WHY TAKE YOUR CHILD TO A PARK

"Play is the work of children. It's very serious stuff." Truly said by Bob Keeshan. For children can anything be better than play?

As I write this, right outside my apartment, I can hear the children playing. The voices of children playing, laughing and yelling doesn't bother me. On the contrary, the quiet neighbourhood comes alive with the very voices of this little children. It also reminds me of my childhood days. In the evening, we friends used to play for hours in our neighbourhood park; swinging, singing, screaming, and more...smeared with dust and sand, to our heart's content till the sunset reminded us of our concerned parents waiting at home and then we would race down to our respective homes. Nothing else bothered or intervened with our playtime. It was not considered dangerous or outrageous. 

Times have changed. Nowadays, if you find children playing outdoors unsupervised it will be surprising. On visiting many of my friends, I have found their children shut indoors, playing video games, watching cartoons, or in other words - stuck with an electronic screen. 

Initially, I also was a little apprehensive to send my child alone and unsupervised, to play downstairs where the neighbourhood kids played. But when she turned six, I had to take a call. She can't be sitting indoors staring at the screen for hours when she could be using her mental ability and focus elsewhere. In the beginning, I had a thousand of concerns like any other mother. What if she gets hurt, what if she mingles with the wrong people, what if she is bullied, what about safety and so on...Then I realised that this won't do. Fortunately, our apartment in Dubai overlooks the play area and so I can quietly monitor her from my window whenever I want to. For those who don't have this option, do accompany your kids, but keep a distance from them to keep a watch. Let your child know that you are there for them if needed. Yes, there is a certain age for the kids when you should do this; certainly not the toddlers or for kids below 6-year-old. For children in the age group of 6-9, you can certainly keep a watch from the distance. Initially, my daughter didn't want to go to play alone and I had to always accompany her. She took some time to make new friends and gradually in a few months she was comfortable enough to go to the play area unescorted.

Al Mushrif Park, Dubai, UAE

For the last couple of weeks, we have been visiting parks with our friends during the weekends. Not only did our children have fun but it refreshed us - adults too. We loved watching the children playing, and once in a while joined in their play. It was nice to hear the laughter and giggles of the kids filling the air. There were people spread out all along the park, some exercising, some barbecuing, some walking, some relaxing while some like us - chatting but watchful over our kids. However, I feel, once in a while, everyone must go out to the parks and gardens our cities have to offer, as it breaks the monotony of your life and brings you closer to nature. 

Also, instead of spending hours in a shopping mall with your child (now who doesn't like shopping; ask any woman and you know the answer), which I am sure not many children like doing, take them to a park or a garden where they can play and have fun. Minus the time you spend with your child during your weekend grocery shopping or social functions, taking your child out to a park or a garden certainly means spending quality time with your child.

As a mother, here are some reasons, I feel that you should take your child to play outdoors whether it is in the evening hours during the weekdays or during the weekends, for an all-round growth and development of your child.

• HEALTH REASONS.

We all know this proverb...but times have changed. It's a competitive world. Children have lots of homework or projects to complete after school. They have lots of extracurricular activities and skills to learn too. So let them finish their tasks but don't make it an excuse to keep them away from their playtime. Research indicates that outdoor activity time is beneficial for developing children's motor skills, vitamin D levels, vision and mental health. 

Ofcourse, we knew that all along the way but we have other concerns in our mind other than health reasons. We don't want them to catch germs while they play with other kids or dirty their clothes and so on....We are modern mommies and we don't have time for all this! Come on...I bet you were not mindful of these things as a kid and played with your friends on the streets, in the neighbourhood of your towns or in the parks in your residential areas. And I see no harm unless the weather permits and if your neighbourhood or society parks are safe enough.

• MAKES YOUR CHILD INDEPENDENT.

All kids love playing with other kids and when they do that they develop social skills and this is confirmed by many studies. For me, it was fun to watch my child mingle with other kids. How their games evolved from their imagination and then slowly they borrowed ideas from their daily lives; from princess and fairies to witches and demons, from 'baby & mom', to 'teacher & student'. I was happy as my child learned to share toys with other kids, wait for her turn while the other child used the swing, took leadership in deciding what games to play and more.

• LET THEM DEAL WITH THEIR PROBLEMS.

Sometimes, small problems bother the kids so much that it prompts us - parents to step in and solve their problems. But I have seen my child coming up with solutions herself and I encourage that. Now she knows that playing with sand would be followed by an extensive cleaning ritual at home so she is careful not to dirty her clothes and sometimes avoids playing with sand altogether. She decides what to play with and how to deal with associated problems. When it is time to return home, I don't have to call her from the window of my apartment  nor do I need to step out of my house to fetch her. With this, she has developed a sense of responsibility.

• LET THEM BE THEIR OWN JUDGE.

There were times when my child came in front of my window calling me down and complaining about other kids bullying her. I asked her to return home. She wouldn't do that for that would mean sacrificing her playtime. I didn't want her to play with the bullies but then she consoled me saying not to worry and that she can handle them. Imagine that kind of assurance coming from a 7-year old. And, here I was preparing my speech as to whom she should make friends with and whom not...but then no...let them decide for themselves. 

• LEARNING FROM NATURE.

Children learn more when they observe their surroundings and what best place to learn from than our natural surroundings. Instead of having them spend hours locked inside the four walls risking their eye health as they are stuck with some electronic gadgets or the other, let them go outside, and play in the green. The brightness, the colours and the natural environment actually relaxes their eyes too. Also, they learn things they would not learn if they sit at home. Let them breathe the fresh air. Let them smell the wet mud. Let them listen to the sounds of the bee. Let them look at the blue sky freely.

• IT BUILDS AND ENHANCES MEMORY.

What a better way to show the children what nature is like by taking them to parks or gardens. You will be glad when he/she recollects what she saw in the park. Isn't is better that way? Now I find my child citing names of flowers and colours I didn't know as a child at her age. Now that is what I call symbiotic learning, where I too as a parent get a chance  to build my knowledge!

• PLAY IS A NECESSITY.

Of course, taking your child to a park is less expensive than taking them to a mall and making impulse purchases prompted by your child. You don't want to say 'No' to your child each time you hear him/her saying 'Can I have that or this?' or 'Can I take this one last ride?' Toys and rides maybe good for children, they may be affordable too...you are rich and you can afford it. Your parents were not rich and you as a child missed all those rides and you don't want your child to be deprived of anything. Fine, agreed...but don't let toys and rides become a substitute for outdoor activities. As playing is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity.

Does it require a lot of planning to go to a park? I don't think so. You can surely take out one hour of your time atleast from your busy evenings daily to take your child to play. I don't see anything else as a substitute to play. Do you?

If you think otherwise, do share your views in the comments section.

references:
mamaot.com
motherhood.modernmom.com
figur8.net

Unconditional Love

With the Valentine's week over, many of you would have expressed love and affection to your loved ones. Around the world, probably millions of flowers, cards and chocolates tagged with emotional sentiments and messages were exchanged. While romance briefly hung in the air during the entire weekend, it made me wonder - does true love really exist? A gift or two from my life partner would've certainly cheered me up too, but I am used to his nonchalant way of expression. Or perhaps a survey rightly confirms the fact that people tend to spend lesser on gifts as their relationship gets older. Also, that made me wonder do all relations believe in a give and take equation. Would I have loved my husband more if he had given me a gift? Is there is anything called unconditional love or is it a myth? Read on further before you arrive at any conclusion.

When I started writing this post, it was the Valentine's week and then suddenly things took a turn. Between this and that, all this love and romance seemed so petty and insignificant to write about when I saw the pandemonium going on in our country - India. Sitting here in Dubai, I felt helpless on seeing the respected Maj Gen. GD Bakshi weeping over a discussion on the national flag in the very popular Newshour debate and I was ashamed and enraged at the same time over the crass attitude of our 'own people'. Today such a day has arrived that we discuss whether our own national flag should be hoisted or not while the soldiers on the borders for years have laid their last without even thinking twice. As the respected Major rightly said that the flag is not a tattered piece of silk but a symbol of supreme sacrifice to them - the soldiers. Do we all citizens of the India have the same love for our nation? Today I doubt it. It is sad to see the state of a nation which can do wonders with good leadership and is instead torn apart by its own nationals & anti-nationals, partisans and presstitutes and more. But then it's a waste of time writing about these partisans and the presstitutes, so let's focus on the love that our patriots have for our nation. The willingness to sacrifice their lives, the willingness to breathe their last knowing that their life was meant to be sacrificed for the safety, welfare and honour of its nation. We, the protected ones, will truly not realise their depth of love, nor shall we ever be able to make the sacrifices or undertake the challenges they face as soldiers. The love of these soldiers for their nation is of the highest order. This is what I call unconditional love. My salute to them.

We live by chance, we love by choice, we kill by profession - Officers Training Academy, Chennai

I don't need to define what unconditional love is. But even so for those of you who are ignorant or rather for the sake of clarity, the dictionary defines unconditional love as affection without any limitations or conditions. 

All the religions around the world share the same belief that God's love for his people is unconditional since God will always love us irrespective of our love for him. I can't say the same about our love for God. We say special prayers before our exams or exam results. We pray saying that "God, give me what I want, and I shall do this in return." When you make your prayers conditional there is no unconditional love. Keeping religion aside, let's talk about the love that exists on this planet.

Unconditional love does exist amongst animals and its a scientifically proven fact. Have you ever wondered why the wolves look at the moon and keep howling? It's because they miss their pack members. The elephants, who are considered to be the most emotional creatures of the animal kingdom, often die of broken hearts due to the death of their dear ones and are known to bury their loved ones under foliage. For those of you who own dogs would certainly agree that your yawn is responded by your pet dog, which indicates their bonding with you - the owner. The yawns are an indication of their adoration for their owners. These animals don't demand anything but love from us. In fact, even after you stop caring for it, it will continue to love you. Their love is pure and unconditional. 

If animals are capable of such great acts of love, why that warmth and connection goes missing amongst us -  human beings. I believe it is because of human nature. We have expectations, even from our dear and near ones. We believe in reciprocity in all our relations and when we don't get it back we are frustrated. Also, we all are under the delusion that we deserve unconditional love. But we ourselves don't practice it. We also need to care, to give, to love selflessly. You give love, you get love. Then, in this case, love is conditional. Probably unconditional love is a myth. 

Let's talk about love and human relations. 

Take for instance any parents' love for their children. For example, my parents' love for me. They have been there for me whenever I needed them, they have supported me through the various stages of my life, they have accepted me for what I am and that I think is unconditional love. Their love was not like a loan which had to be repaid in installments. It was unequivocal without any expectations or conditions from their side. They never asked for anything in return. I am not sure if this kind of unconditional love exists in any other relations. 

I believe there is a 'give and take' equation in every other relation that exists on this earth, be it with your friends, relatives, colleagues or neighbours. As a child when I celebrated birthdays, I expected gifts from my friends and my friends expected 'return' gifts. In school, our class teachers expected excellent academic results from us in return for their hard work, and we, as students expected praise and encouragement from our teachers. As I grew up, I made more friends and when I helped them I was happy but I too expected favours in return and if it wasn't returned I was unhappy. I am sure many of you must have felt it the same way. Our neighbours generously help us when we are in trouble but they too expect us to return the favour. 

Marriage changes many life equations for with it comes new relations and unknown variables. As a wife, I accepted my husband's family, friends and relatives. I didn't marry my husband for his looks or finances or for a secured life thereafter. I married him because he is a good human being. I knew that if he is a good human being then the rest didn't matter. But all said and done, marriage is a relation which involves give and give and give, and even after our death it will be said 'she didn't give enough'...that's when I feel then when you take away 'take' from the equation, you tend to give more and that results in demands and you are taken for granted.

Also, it can be often daunting and taxing on your emotional well being when you have a lot of expectations in your relation. To carry on as a happy or a lovey-dovey couple is not easy. It requires a fair amount of sacrifice, understanding, trust and patience from both the sides. There have been times when we couple have had fought and yelled at each other but then we do try to talk and resolve our issues calmly too. You must have read my last post on 'My Recipe for a Happy Marriage', if you haven't then please do so before proceeding for that will surely help you understand that marriage is an equation that can be solved using the known variables such as love, understanding, kindness and so on, and that there are some unknown variables too over which you have no control but that makes the relation all the more interesting.

I don't say then that I have mastered unconditional love for there have been times when it becomes difficult for me to forgive my husband for his deeds or criticism. However, I have realized that holding onto the grudges for a long time will only harm yourself in the long run and will ruin the relation. Situations may change, circumstances may change, but I will continue to love my husband through thick and thin, without any demands or expectations. Rightly said by Mignon Mclaughlin, "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

The best part of being in love is when you become a mother. Motherhood teaches you many lessons and the best one learnt is unconditional love. It took me so many years to reach this stage of my life that made me realize what unconditional and pure love is. It is then I realized the depth of my own mother's love. It made me realize that behind all her anger or scoldings lied an immense treasure of unconditional love that is beyond any comparison. 

However, I don't deny the fact that unconditional love may exist in other relations too. And if you experience it then you are really lucky for this very life is conditional. If you don't eat, drink or sleep then life too will cease to exist. Hence, do acknowledge the love (conditional or unconditional) that you have received in your life and be grateful for it.

Mary Angelou has rightly said: "First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love."


A few lines from my pondering pen:

Do you think or feel the same as I have penned down here. Do share your views.

My Recipe For A Happy Marriage

Tried and Tested!

Bachelors and bachelorettes looking forward to marrying, newly weds or honeymoon couples, post honeymooners, pre-children staged couples, busy working couples or at whatever stage of marriage you are in - this recipe is especially for you all who want their marriage to last and want it to be a happy one. This recipe was featured in the show of life and it has been adapted from love epicureans. It is a very easy recipe - no fuss - minimal ingredients - and can be tried by even beginners with confidence.

I want all of you to please note down the ingredients and the directions carefully. It took me eight long years to discover all the ingredients. Today as we enter the 9th year of our marriage, I would like to reveal the secret ingredients of our marriage. I have tried baking, adding and subtracting many ingredients, day after day and finally, I arrived at the final result. The recipe is no secret now and I would like to share it with you all.

The ingredients are not from some alien world nor is the technique as complicated as you might think. This proves that the recipe of marriage is not something difficult or complicated as we make it out to be. I guess most of you would have these ingredients in your home and at heart. Believe me, once you try it, you will not be disappointed. The end result is so magical that you will think why you didn't try it before. After having a slice of it, you will get drowned in the world of happiness. Oh no...in fact you will be able to think straight and also act normal. After all, who doesn't wish for a healthy appetite....oops I meant a happy married life! So let's not waste any time and get back to the recipe. 

Main ingredients: Love

Cuisine: Global

Course: Main 

Level of Cooking: Easy

Serves: One happy couple

Preparation time: Every moment
Cooking time: Daily
Total time: Forever

1 cup of love

1 tbsp of kindness

1 tbsp of compromises

4 tbsp flour of flaws

1 tbsp butter of forgiveness

2 tbsp of milk of earnestness

2 tbsp of understanding
a pinch of argument
1 tsp of trust (as baking leaveners)

Sweetness as per taste

For Garnish use laughter
For Greasing: few drops of patience

Step 1:

Mix love, kindness, compromises and sweetness with the flour of flaws into a large mixing bowl.

Step 2:

Add the butter of forgiveness and milk of earnestness. Beat them well till all the flaws dissolves into the mixture with earnestness.

Step 3:

Blend in understanding briskly till no lumps of differences remain. (Wait till the bubbles of anger start to burst at the top of the batter. Although my experiment says that waiting time can be avoided.)

Step 4:

Now add a pinch of argument. It adds a flavour of interest to your marriage. (It can be skipped as well.)

Step 5:
Grease your baking pan well with patience and line it properly with paper of loyalty. (The type of greasing to be used depends upon the leavening agent. If you use trust then loyalty can be avoided, since the batter of marriage will rise independently due to trust and not be dependent for gripping on the sides of the pan.)

Step 6:
Transfer all the combined contents into the greased pan of life. Bake it gently in sunshine forever. (You can also use moonlight to bake it but cooking time will be longer.)
Sprinkle with laughter and serve in generous portions daily.

- To get the desired consistency of the batter, add a few drops of blindness to the flour of flaws.

- If the pinch of arguments makes the batter bitter, just add a tbsp of healthy discussion or communication to make the batter better.

- Looks delicious when garnished with colors of your smile.

- Tastes best when served with dollops of love.

- Leftovers containing arguments can spoil the batter, so use it sparingly with a pinch of tolerance.

Note:
The original recipe can be found all over the internet but I would suggest you first try it at home using the above ingredients in proportions suitable to you. I read somewhere that happy marriage is not when perfect couples come together but when imperfect couples enjoy the differences together. So don't worry, just follow your heart. Do experiment with all the ingredients of life together with your life partner but keep aside ego, jealousy, distrust, lies and dishonesty, and the rest will work just fine. Also, this is not an instant recipe so take your time to bake it perfectly. Those of you who know the benefits of slow cooking will understand and appreciate that marriage needs to be developed, and built on healthy ingredients.

Hope you like my recipe for a Happy Marriage. Do try this recipe today and let me know your views. If you find this post useful, I would love it if you share it with your friends. It will definitely keep me motivated!

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Seven Reasons Why I Go Out For Walks

I am sure all of you must be aware of the myriad health reasons for walking. It strengthens your heart, lowers risk of diseases, helps lose weight, prevents dementia, tones up the body, boosts vitamin D, and makes you feel more alert and alive. Last but not the least, it boosts your mood and is a must for positive mental health. Also, you don't need any special training to walk nor do you need any financial investment. A pair of walking shoes and your readiness to step out wearing them is all that is required.
Do you need more reasons for walking? 

Whether I am bored or tired, confused or sad, lonely or irritated, walking is an elixir for me. Here are the seven reasons why I go out for walks.

1. Walking improves my creativity.

Sitting within the four walls of your house or office doesn't give you the best thoughts always. Confined to closed boundaries for hours together makes me bored and tired. I get new ideas when I step out. Did you know that Steve Jobs, the late co-founder of Apple was known for his walking meetings? Also, Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg has been seen holding meetings on foot. A new research claims that creativity improves while a person is walking and shortly thereafter.

2. With every step I take, it purges me from negativity.

Just like when you unclutter your house and remove unwanted things to create positive space, walking removes all the negativity from my mind and creates space for positive thinking. With this frame of mind, I can think clearly. With every step I take, I move closer to building a positive world around me free from anger, condemn, criticism and complaints.

 3. It helps me rethink about my life, my priorities and gives me a fresh perspective towards life. 

We are all here for a purpose and walking on the streets steers me towards a direction. Hours spent thinking about a problem simply becomes a burden but that very burden slowly disappears when I take a walk. My mind is free to think clearly and it helps me sort my priorities and shows me the right way and approach towards life.

 4. I am ready to forget and forgive.

It is difficult to forgive somebody who is near and dear to you and has hurt you deeply. Sometimes you have a fight with your buddy, your husband or your colleagues for petty issues. Whatever the reason for the fight, we cannot hold on the grudge for a long time and you may have to deal with the same person every day. You cannot avoid him/her and you cannot neglect too. To deal with this, walking becomes a therapy. Walking helps me analyse where I went wrong and what I should do to sort out my relations. It makes me ready to forget and forgive and start afresh.

 5. It gives me the strength and confidence to carry on with my day. 
I am still nervous and become fidgety when I go for meetings with my clients or even when I have to meet my child's teacher. Here is where walking has helped me immensely, to gain my lost confidence. Walking helps me feel better and when I feel better about myself, my perception towards life changes and that helps me restore my confidence. It gives me the inner strength that tells me that today is the day and I can do it.

 6. It brings me closer to nature and thereby balances the monotony in my life.

While taking a walk, I get closer to nature. A flower or two, a green shrub along the way, brightens my mood. Watching the birds flying, the clouds floating across the blue sky, a few butterflies flitting across the flowers, transports myself temporarily into the world where I can forget all the monotony of life for some time at least.

7. I step into my home, feeling refreshed and calm.
Research does support the fact that a brisk 20 to 30-minute walk can have the same effect as a mild tranquilizer. Walking makes me feel more relaxed and stress-free and when I step into my home, I am feeling better already. I feel reinvigorated to move ahead with my job and duties for the day ahead.


Afterthoughts:
Would you like to add anything else to the list? You are welcome to do so. Leave your comments below and share your thoughts.

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